1. |
21, still no friends.
02:22
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I was sitting up in bed last night
thinking of everything that goes on in my head
I am 21 and I still don't really have any friends
Everybody said that it would change
but it never changed at all
Maybe its time to get my stuff together
move somewhere some place new
Theres only one more year of this I keep telling myself
but a days still hard to get through
Everybody said that it would change
but it never changed at all.
But i got some really nice post yesterday
and it reminded me that there are really good people everywhere if youre looking
and I have the best family
they take care of me when I need taking care of.
Maybe I shouldn't be so scared to say what im thinking
when im thinking about how sad I am
Maybe I shouldn't be so scared to admit to my failures
theres a few of them
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2. |
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I never feel like I miss you
but I miss the smell of your room
always felt really warm in there
even when the heating wasn't on
when the heating wasn't on
We would sit on the rug in your bedroom
watching films and talking all night
falling asleep with the light on
you know that I don't like the dark
Im sorry that I can't be happy
I really promise that I have tried to be
Well I woke up the other morning thought about it
and for a moment it really felt like I had nothing
and I know it isn't true, I know that I should be more grateful
but I am the loneliest I have ever been right now
and I know this shouldn't be anyone else's burden
but some days I really think I need someone elses hand to hold
someone who makes it feels okay to be alone,
who makes me feel less alone
And I know I avoid attention
I don't let anyone know there's any problems
but fuck I need love and I need it really bad
I need it bad
but I need to know somebody loves me
I need to know it bad
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3. |
High school is horrible.
02:07
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Fuck High school
Fuck sitting around waiting for somebody
to make me feel worth it
I am okay, I am average
I deserve love, I deserve it
But I hate myself so much of the time
Wish I could shake it after 21 years.
Fuck everyone who used to tell me that I was ugly
I hope you know you did some permanent damage to somebody
I was only 13, wasn't comfortable in my skin
I did not need you telling me that no one would ever wanna kiss me
It should be a time where people are able to explore
their sexuality, gender identity
but you cant do anything without getting the shit ripped out of you
Then people go their whole lives in fear to owning up to who they really are
and I cant take it anymore
we're breeding bullies and then calling it character building.
Im tired of boys will be boys
and girls will be girls
and fitting into some idea
of what my sex should make me and how it moulds me.
Lets stop telling kids
the things that define them
so they can decide for themselves
when we start raising children as genderless
maybe things will work
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4. |
It is okay to be awkward
02:01
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Does anybody know that feeling
when you are staying at somebodies house
you havent known them for very long
and you wake up in the morning
and you really need the toilet
but the persons sleeping next to you
you try to get up but your body just wont move
well sometimes I feel like
my life is a continuation of this feeling
some days I am even scared to leave my bed
I push myself into new and unsettling situations
but most of the time I wish id stayed home instead
I feel like a burden
I feel like im not worthy of a friendship
but I promise I am really nice if you just stick with it
and I will be a really good friend.
So I am sorry if I am awkward at first
and I am sorry if I don't really know how to
respond to the things you say
but I promise I will really try to not feel stupid
Sorry that I am really bad at talking on the phone
I am sorry if sometimes I come off a little cold
I probably just think youre really mint and I don't know what to do
cause usually I just feel like a loser around everybody.
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5. |
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Gelfling Durham, UK
Music that I make in my bedroom.
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